Facebook and Myspace are social networks.  Don’t forget that.  It is an entire community of people that form these networks and they are constantly evolving.  New features are introduced all of the time on Facebook and Myspace and as these sites change and update it is important that your communication strategy changes as well.  If you want to meet girls on Facebook and Myspace you need a strategy that best utilizes these new features and makes them tools for meeting women.

So I constantly get the question from guys “What is your approach?” “What is your Facebook or Myspace strategy?”  And this post is going to be the answer I have given countless guys to that question.

My approach and strategy constantly evolves and changes not only based on these sites but based on what results I want.  If I would be happy with just one date a week.  I might spend less time on trying to get a large amount of girls and might focus more on making a solid connection with one or two.  If I wanted to fill my dinner plans for every night of the week, I might focus less on individual girls and focus on a broader approach.   This is my CURRENT strategy, however, and it currently fits my personal goals.

I am going to give a step by step practical walkthrough on how I meet girls on Myspace and Facebook.   This will be the FACEBOOK POST and PART ONE of TWO.  I will post my Myspace step by step soon.

 1. I assume since this is more an intermediate tutorial that you have ALREADY set up a Facebook account and have ALREADY set up your profile.  Since this should already be done step one is finding the girls you want to initiate contact with.

I often will search local events  at http://www.facebook.com/events.php  you can search events your friends are attending as well.  If there is a cute girl going to an event you are going to, or if there is a girl that you are interested in going to a local event SEND HER A FRIEND REQUEST.  It doesn’t matter whether you are attending the event too though that might later make a first date easier.

If you do not want to focus on events you can start looking at the “Suggested Friends” you can find these at http://www.facebook.com/find-friends/ .  If you still cannot find any girls you are interested in then you can do a search for a common name.  For example “Erica, Mary, Julie, and so on”  Once you find a few girls which should be pretty quick SEND A FRIEND REQUEST TO THEM   you do not want to friend 20 girls a day, or if you do be sure you go to your profile and remove the news feeds so these girls won’t know you are friending 20 a day.

2.   The Initial Contact.  IF they send you a message first after you send the friend request then just start conversing with them based on what their message says.  This is great it saves you the trouble of initiating the conversation!  If they do not send you a message but they do friend you then I would wait until you see them online on Facebook Chat.  You should initiate the conversation based on their status message or something funny about their profile.  (I will get more into this in step 3)

If they friend you but you never see them on Facebook Chat, then you can send them an initial message.  (I will talk more about this in step 3 as well).  If they do not friend you then MOVE ON and don’t worry about that particular person.    It only took you what 5 seconds to send the friend request anyway.

I do this friend request approach because instead of blasting out a ton of messages to girls to initiate things and hoping they will respond, the friend request first saves you a lot of time sending out all those messages and also weeds out the girls for you.  If they friend you, ASSUME that they are to some degree interested or at least willing to be contacted by you.  Saves a lot of the guess work.

3.  So you friended the girls you are interested in and initiated contact.  Now what do you say?!?  First of all I HIGHLY RECOMMEND that you chat with her on FACEBOOK CHAT first.  Instead of the slow process of back and forth inbox messaging, you can get much further and build a lot more comfort quickly over chat in a few minutes then you could with multiple inbox messages.  Also I highly recommend that you use PROPER GRAMMAR .  It is ok to use abbreviations such as “OMG, LOL, BRB, and so on” but you do not want to use too much slang or too obscure of an abbreviation in the messages.

Ok now that I have gotten that information out of the way, what do you say?!?  Think about her like she is a life-long friend.  If your guy friend was on Facebook that you have known for 10 years of your life and you wanted to talk to him about his status message what would that sound like?  Let’s say his status was “Blake just saw the movie Avatar!”  you would probably say something like “You saw Avatar?  Everyone keeps telling me how it is the best movie ever! Was it good?”

Treat girls the same way.  Even though you have just friended them and have never talked and just met, talk to her like she is your best friend.  Here is what most guys would do in the same situation “Katie just saw the movie Avatar!” they would say “Hey Katie!,   It’s Kevin.  I know we don’t know each other and haven’t met but I am glad you accepted my friend request! I thought you were cute and you saw Avatar? That is great!”  THATS NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.

She friended you, she knows she doesn’t know you, or if she doesn’t then the fact that she thinks she might know you means shes more likely to respond anyway.  You can ASSUME this.  Why remind her of the fact that you are a stranger and that you have never talked??  That’s why you talk to her like you know her.  YOU would say “You saw Avatar?! Everyone keeps telling me how it is the best movie ever! Was it good?!”  You are not saying your name, you are not saying you dont know her, you are assuming she wants to talk to you, if she friended you why wouldn’t she talk to you?!  I would recommend you saying this either in chat or in a message.  CHAT is better.    Just remember to comment on her status or her profile and to keep it short and like you were talking to a friend, non of the introduction to who you are stuff.

4.  So now you have friended her, initiated contact, and sent her a message.  The next step is just respond!!  Once she responds to your message, just converse with her!  I have no idea what topic your conversation will be on, I can’t tell you what exactly to say, this part will have to be pretty much on your own.  Maybe I will do a post on conversational direction later after I complete part two of this.  I will give you some basic tips for online conversation though.    The first conversation you have with the girl should not be sexual and should not be very flirty AT ALL.   The only exception to this is if the girl is really building comfort with you quickly and you can tell she is enjoying the conversation you can begin steering it slightly in a flirty direction.  I recommend though not even flirting much at all until the second conversation or third message.

KEEP THE CONVERSATION VERY POSITIVE AND FUN.   Don’t say anything negative, as far as you are concerned life is good and you are having fun!  If you have a fun and upbeat attitude you will make her have fun and she will be happy talking to you!     Lastly use power words and exclamation marks and smiley faces ALOT.   What I mean by this is over exaggerated language, for example “Totally, Definitely, Awesome, Extremely, and so on”  You should also use lots of exclamation marks in your sentences.  It will keep the energy of the conversation up and will make her more excited.  Lastly smiley faces and “lol” and “haha” are great to use to break tension.  If she thinks you are laughing and having fun you can get away with saying a lot more.  my personal favorite smileys are the basic =)  and =P  which is a tongue out face for more flirty / joking moments.

Example: Her- “what are you up to today? me- “OMG today?! I went to the mall which was awesome but all the girls there were gross! If I get hit on by one more girl in high school or another college freshman I don’t even know what I will do! How’s your day been? Has it been exciting? / Has it been everything you dreamed it would be?!”

This is a VERY exaggerated example but you get the idea, you see how thrilling that response was.  The exclamation marks, the OMG abbreviation, the words used really makes it seem like its very energetic and exciting.

Hope this helps you guys out!!!  I will post my Myspace strategy in Part 2 of this series very soon!  Don’t be afraid to comment below!!  Thanks for reading!     Also I know I haven’t updated this site in well…  honestly… forever.  I plan on adding A LOT of new content though and making some VERY quality posts soon so be sure to check back or subscribe to the RSS feed!

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This is one of the most basic and most important issues when dealing with Facebook and Myspace dating.  How do you contact a girl on Facebook and Myspace?  Now when you first set up a Facebook or Myspace profile I would definitely say you should make sure your profile at least looks decent and gives some information about yourself. 

If your profile is terrible then your success rate contacting any girls will be terrible as well.  OK so you have a profile set up and you found a girl you want to contact so now what do you say?

If you want a magic line that works with every girl it does not exist.  While there may be some very good cut and paste opening messages if I posted them here online they wouldn’t be very good for long especially since everyone would bomb myspace and facebook with them.  So instead of giving you a message to cut and paste I am going to give you the formula for a great opening message to contact a girl with.

EVERY TIME YOU MESSAGE A GIRL ON FACEBOOK AND MYSPACE FOR THE FIRST TIME YOUR MESSAGE SHOULD CONTAIN ALL 3 OF THE FOLLOWING PARTS:

1: HOW YOU FOUND HER PROFILE — The first thing a girl thinks when she sees your message is “How did this guy find my profile?”

You can answer this various ways and there isn’t a correct way just experiment around but an example would be if the girl on myspace or facebook was named Jenny you could say “I was looking for a friend of mine named Jenny and randomly saw your profile”  You should test different lines but you just need to answer the “how you found her profile” question.

2: WHY YOU ARE QUALIFIED TO CONTACT HER– Immediately after she asks herself how you found her profile, she will ask “Why did he send me a message?”

Your response should answer this as well.  It can be any reason but you NEED a reason for contacting her.  An example reason might be  “You seem like a cool person from your profile (at least your taste in music isn’t bad)”

3. A CALL TO ACTION —-  So now she knows how you found her profile, and why you contacted her, SO WHAT??!  why should she even talk to you?!  This is probably the most important part of the message.  YOU HAVE TO GIVE HER SOMETHING TO RESPOND TO.

This call to action can be a statement.  ex “You are trouble! I can tell!”

that statement gives her something to respond to because now she can message you and say “No I’m not trouble! or Yea I’m a bit naughty =P” or whatever.  Either way you want to give her something to respond to.  The above is just a sample of a statement you can make.

More commonly though the call to action is a Question.  A question is better for obvious reasons since you are directly giving her something to respond to.  An example of this could be “So are you cool enough to be my friend?”  It directly gives them something to respond to.  

Now if you put the 3 together you get a basic opening message.

“I was looking for a friend of mine named Jenny and randomly saw your profile.  You seem like a cool person! (at least your taste in music isn’t bad). So are you cool enough to be my friend?”

Now that is just a very basic example and probably not a good message to actually send out but it does cover all 3 bases.  You can include more in an opening message but you want at the bare minimum to include those 3 elements. 

One way some myspace and facebook dating advice gurus say you should do this is by doing a mistaken identity opener like.

“Jenny!  I can’t believe how much fun we had at X bar last night!  You totally were trying to get my drunk to take advantage of me!”

These openers though follow the exact same 3 part philosophy thats why they may work. 

The “I can’t believe how much fun we had at X bar” part tells her 1. how you found her and 2. why you are contacting her  (even though you are pretending to mistake her for someone else it still gives her a reason for you contacting her)  the final statement about taking advantage of you is actually a call to action.  Even though it is a statement saying you were totally trying to…  it is a statement that gives her something to respond to and talk about with.  I personally do not like these openers but some people swear by them so thought I should throw it out there.   Good luck and remember the 3 parts!

1. HOW YOU FOUND HER PROFILE

2. WHY YOU ARE QUALIFIED TO CONTACT HER

3. A CALL TO ACTION

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Facebook is going to remove the network page feature.  If you do not know what a network page is, it is probably because it is now pretty hard to find.  To get to a network page on Facebook the easiest way is to go to your profile and click on a network that you belong to. 

            Network pages were great for meeting women on Facebook.  There is a message board on each page and any women asking questions or wanting to chat on the board were great targets to start a conversation with.

            Since social networks are changing constantly it just comes with the territory that some strategies and some of the older articles will not apply.

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    Hot or Not is one of the most popular applications on Facebook and is excellent for meeting girls. Add the application and you might have to fill out a little information. Once that is done click the “Meet People” button in the top right corner. Select the city you live in, the age range you want to search for, and start clicking “yes” or “no” depending on whether you find a girl attractive. You can do an anonymous “yes” but it is not recommended.

Once you click “yes” on a girl it will then alert her the next time she signs on Facebook and she can click “yes” or “no” in response. If you both click “yes” then it leads to a “double match.” At this point it will let you Facebook message the girl.

When you click the option to send them a message it will show their full name. I would recommend that you type in her name in the search field and look at her profile before you message her.

You can experiment with different messages based on your personality but one of the ones I like to use, that has been very successful is “We double matched on Hot or Not (insert girls name)! I am just not ready to get married yet though… So we will have to take things slow =P You ok with that?”

No matter what your message says, this is a great way to meet women.

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   With Valentines Day finally here I couldn’t let it pass without giving some Myspace and Facebook dating advice.

Valentines is a day centered around passion and romanticism.  A big part of both of these is enthusiasm.

Meeting girls on Facebook and Myspace is not any different.  You have to be enthusiastic when you talk with them.  A lot of dating gurus will say that you should match the energy given off by the other person.  If you meet a girl at a bar for example and she is really cutting loose and you are completely boring and dull it will probably not work out.  Online is the same way you have to show energy in your messaging.

You could say “Hey, what’s up? we haven’t talked in a while”  or you could say “Hey! We haven’t talked in forever! What’s up?”  It may seem a little “girly” but it has a lot more energy and basically screams for a response.  Not only that but she will be more energetic in her response.  If you get energy going in a conversation its alot easier to convert that what I call “potential energy” in the conversation into a “kinetic energy” of you two actually meeting up.

Now it may be a little late to get a Facebook or Myspace Valentines date.  If you start meeting new people or adding enthusiasm into the conversations with the people you currently talk to on these social networks though, you will be increasing your success and have a waiting list for you by next year.

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